i can feel my soul ache whenever i think of you
my heart beats faster when you pass by
my eyes shift around the room,
never actually landing on you, but on objects and corners
that will not betray my thoughts.
i stand in a crowd
we somehow always find each other
in a frenzy of uncertain masks and unfamiliar territory
you are still there
but just barely.
you place your things next to mine
and when next time i move
so do you.
but i can’t tell if it is mere coincidence
or a betrayal of the heart
when i look at you
and see you looking back.
my soul is heavy
it aches with unresolved sorrow.
i have learned to hate this feeling;
happiness without grief is not as treasured
but in this instance i would much rather take
that in place of this unquenchable agony.
i want to scream “get away” when you stand close
i want to hold my own heart pure
instead of risking contamination through opportunity
that renders both love and heartache.
this little infatuation has turned into
full-frontal admiration and love
but without closure i am just
and this butter-fly effect no longer holds happiness
but instead brings anger as i try to push you out of my mind
and out of my heart.
but you won’t leave, and so i am left
with my own wants and wishes;
this aching heart wants nothing to do with you
until, of course,
you crack a smile and i can’t help but smile back.