a thing for blue eyes

 

I USED TO HAVE A THING FOR BLUE EYES BECAUSE THEY GAVE EVERYONE

WHAT THEY NEEDED.

IF THEY NEEDED MYSTERIOUSNESS, THEY WERE GIVEN THAT.

IF THEY NEEDED CLARITY, BLUE EYES WERE SURE TO HAVE IT.

BLUE EYES WERE THE ANSWER TO ALL OF LIFE’S PROBLEMS.

 

I USED TO HAVE A THING FOR BLUE EYES BECAUSE THEY MADE BOYS LOOK STRIKING.

I WOULD STARE INTO THESE DARK POOLS OF IRIDESCENT LIGHT AND WONDER

IF HE KNEW JUST HOW CAPTIVATING IT WAS

WHEN THE SUN HIT HIS EYES JUST RIGHT

AND THE WORLD STANDS STILL FOR JUST A MOMENT AS LIGHT REFRACTS AND MAKES HIM A LIVING MASTERPIECE.

 

I USED TO HAVE A THING FOR BLUE EYES AND BLONDE HAIR BECAUSE SOCIETY TOLD ME TO.

BEACHY WAVES AND AMERICAN GIRL DREAMS HAUNTED MY INSECURITIES AS I STARED AT MY BLACK HAIR AND MUDDY BROWN EYES, BELIEVING THAT NOBODY WOULD EVER FIND IT STRIKING.

AMERICAN GIRLS WERE THE EPITOME OF BEAUTY. I WAS NOT ONE.

 

I USED TO HAVE A THING FOR BLUE EYES

UNTIL I DIDN’T.

UNTIL, ONE DAY, I MET A BOY WITH SUCH STRONG BROWN EYES THAT GOLD SEEMED TO LIVE WITHIN HIS HEART.

WITH SUCH A STRONG GAZE THAT HE COULD MOVE MOUNTAINS APART–

I MET A BOY WITH EYES THAT WEREN’T BLUE.

BUT IN THAT VERY SECOND, I COULDN’T HAVE CARED LESS BECAUSE HIS EYES CAPTIVATED ME.

AND SOCIETAL RULES AND ADVERTISING CAMPAIGNS SUDDENLY WERE WIPED FROM MY MEMORY

SO NOW ALL I CAN REMEMBER IS THAT BOY WITH THE BROWN EYES THAT DEFY WISDOM AND CONVENTIONAL TRUTH.

THOSE EYES GIVE ME SOMETHING THAT I NEVER EVER WANT TO LOSE.

THEY WERE MYSTERIOUS AND DARK AND THEY WERE EARTHY AND RICH

SUDDENLY THE LUKEWARM BLUE DIDN’T SEEM ALL THAT ATTRACTIVE

BECAUSE THE BOY THAT I LIKED HAD MUSKY BROWN EYES.

BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH BROWN IS THE MOST COMMON, AVERAGE COLOR–

ON HIM IT SEEMS LIKE A CUSTOM-MADE FIT, LIKE ANYTHING ELSE IS A TRAVESTY

OR WORSE A SIN AGAINST THE GODS.

BROWN EYES BECAME MY FAVORITE THAT FALL,

AND EVEN THOUGH, YES I USED TO HAVE A THING FOR BLUE EYES.

HIS GOLDEN-BROWN EYES MADE ME BELIEVE ALL OF SOCIETY TO BE WRONG;

HIS EYES MADE ME BELIEVE FORGET ALL NONSENSE IMPLANTED INTO MY BRAIN.

 

I USED TO HAVE A THING FOR BLUE EYES

UNTIL I DIDN’T.

 

 

 

love-hate

i can feel my soul ache whenever i think of you

my heart beats faster when you pass by

my eyes shift around the room,

never actually landing on you, but on objects and corners

that will not betray my thoughts.

 

i stand in a crowd

we somehow always find each other

in a frenzy of uncertain masks and unfamiliar territory

you are still there

but just barely.

 

you place your things next to mine

and when next time i move

so do you.

but i can’t tell if it is mere coincidence

or a betrayal of the heart

when i look at you

and see you looking back.

 

my soul is heavy

it aches with unresolved sorrow.

i have learned to hate this feeling;

happiness without grief is not as treasured

but in this instance i would much rather take

that in place of this unquenchable agony.

i want to scream “get away” when you stand close

i want to hold my own heart pure

instead of risking contamination through opportunity

that renders both love and heartache.

this little infatuation has turned into

full-frontal admiration and love

but without closure i am just

confused

and this butter-fly effect no longer holds happiness

but instead brings anger as i try to push you out of my mind

and out of my heart.

 

but you won’t leave, and so i am left

with my own wants and wishes;

this aching heart wants nothing to do with you

until, of course,

you crack a smile and i can’t help but smile back.